just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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