You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
