Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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