Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
