i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Two words: nipple clamps
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