i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
