Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
