So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
