did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
