So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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