think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
