hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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