Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
