Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
