More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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