I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
