If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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