I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize