For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
