If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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