sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
