you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
