She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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