Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
as a side note pls kill me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
