I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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