I hope mine doesn't look like that
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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