you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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