Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
