never play flip cup with pint glasses
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
