3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
