Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
