I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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