New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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