he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
