just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
