i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
