Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
