How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize