You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
