I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
