So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
