if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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