i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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