When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
