i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
