Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
