Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
