I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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