dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
