If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
