You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
