I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
