What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
