I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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