after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
