Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
