Tell her she can't have a vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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