im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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