today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
