You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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