I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
