singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
