She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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