There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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