My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
